Doctor Doctor Mister MD

first_imgI’m not big on going to the doctor. The way I figure it, doctors don’t make any money on healthy people. Put another way, there must be a little something wrong with everyone. My working philosophy is: If it don’t hurt, don’t worry about it.Most everyone I know who has died was seeing a doctor at the time. At these prices, I say just go straight from good health to death and cut out the middlemen.I watch “Jeopardy” every night on TV. There must be a lot of senior citizens who watch, because every commercial is pushing some kind of drug. Oftentimes, the potential side effects of the drug are much worse than whatever it is the pill is supposed to help.We all know the usual warnings. It used to be, “Do not operate heavy equipment.” I get that.“Mom, I’m going to take Judy out in the crane tonight.”“Not if you take that Viagra, mister!”Consider this minor little side effect: “rare cases of severe hepatic reactions, including jaundice and fatal hepatitis, liver necrosis and hepatic failure, some of them with fatal outcomes have been reported.”This is for Torodal, an anti-inflammatory pill that people with ulcers take. So, let’s break it down. One minute you have a stomach ache because you ate some pepperoni. Next minute? You’re dead. . . and yellow.Have a headache? Ibuprofen works, right? You can buy it anywhere, even 7-Eleven. But “if your tongue swells up and you have difficulty breathing, consult a physician.”Imagine THAT phone call:Me: Hawoo Derkter Tong Thwell (choking) . . .Doctor: “Do you have health insurance? We’ll need you to read the information on the back of your card to us.”Ambien poses an interesting risk: Some people who have taken it have performed certain activities while they were not fully awake. These have included sleep driving, making and eating food, and having sex.Who knew?We’ve all seen this one: “If you experience a prolonged, painful erection, stop using this medicine and seek immediate medical attention or permanent problems could occur.”So, you go to the doctor and he says, “I don’t see any evidence of this occurring.” Now, that hurts.It’s not just medicines that have bizarre warnings. For example, “Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice” is written on a box of rat poison, I kid you not. Hey, we’re not animals — we don’t want to give them tumors; we just want to kill them.“Warning: do not use if you have urination problems” — this is a tough one, because I personally urinate each and every day. Is this a problem?It’s written on a box of Midol PMS relief pills. (Alert readers will note women suffer from PMS 23 days each month, have their periods for six days and are completely normal for two days — except in September, April, June, and November. It should be noted women should be avoided at all costs on Feb. 29 unless you are carrying a crucifix.)Not to belittle doctors, but all parents know that when our little ones were growing up, we took them to the doctor way too often, some of us every time they had a sniffle or a sneeze. This is the meat-and-potatoes of the industry — every time we walked into the office, the cash register sounded, and since our health care provider got the bills, we never knew how costly each little check-up could be. Then, after a battery of tests, which 99 percent of the time were unnecessary, we’d get prescriptions to fill, not realizing the pills were probably worse for your kid than whatever ailed him or her.I don’t take pills. I never did. Even when I was a kid and the doctor gave me something and the directions said, “take three a day with meals” I would carefully throw one out with breakfast, one right before lunch, and one after dinner. Guess what? I didn’t die.I told my mom I intended to live my life like a Native American warrior. She’d counter with the fact that the average life expectancy of a Native American Indian Brave was 31. Maybe so, but the cool ones like Crazy Horse rode around with loincloths on and nothing else. Except maybe a peace pipe. Sharelast_img read more

Strongsville Edges Olentangy Orange, 3-2, in State Semifinal

first_img Related Topics Matt Medley Matt Medley is co-editor at NEO Sports Insiders, covers the Cleveland Cavaliers, Cleveland Indians and high school sports in Northeast Ohio.Follow @MedleyHoops on Twitter for live updates from games.center_img The Strongsville Mustangs continued their flair for the dramatic with a 3-2 win over Olentangy Orange in a Division I State Semifinal on Friday, June 2.The game ended on a 4-6-3 double play, the second double play turned by Strongsville’s middle infield on the night, as junior right hander Matt Brosky finished off the complete game.FINAL: 4-6-3 double play sends @SHSVarsityBase to the State Championship!— PBR Ohio (@PBR_Ohio) June 3, 2017Minutes before the game-ending play, senior catcher Parker Shannon erased a leadoff single with a backpick, firing a strike to first base, where Trevor Denning was covering after first baseman Noah Trizzino charged up to protect on a bunt attempt.“That was an incredible moment,” Brosky said.“We have practiced that play all year and sometimes we’ve been shaky, but that’s exactly how you run it and how you want to do it. You couldn’t ask for anything else.”Strongsville jumped out to an early 1-0 lead in the bottom of the first, as Shannon plated a one-out single, stole second, advanced to third on an errant throw and scored on a passed ball.The Mustangs added two more runs in the bottom of the second, as Mitch Midea led the inning off with a single, Kyler Damm followed him up with a double, and Shannon delivered a clutch two-run single to make it a 3-0 game.Shannon went on to finish 3-for-3 with three singles, three stolen bases, two RBI and a run scored.“As I keep telling anyone who wants to listen, he’s our best player. He’s one of the best players in the state of Ohio,” Strongsville Head Coach Doug Cicerchi said.“Mercyhurst is getting an unbelievable talent. He’s the heart and soul of our team. He’s always been a great talent, but this year, he’s turned into a true leader. We have a lot of leaders on this team, but I think he’s the one, maybe even moreso than anyone else. Everything he’s gotten, he’s earned. This team has earned everything they’ve gotten.”“I was mentally ready to play today,” Shannon said.“I definitely felt like because I’m top of the order I wanted to start things off for our guys and I wanted everybody to follow me. I was just trying to get on base and let whatever happen after I got on.”Brosky worked four innings before surrendering a hit, and received some great defense behind him, including a sliding catch by center fielder Alex Gray.The Pioneers came to life in the fifth, drawing back-to-back walks to start the inning and Cole Callaghan broke up the no-hitter with an RBI single.Jason Schutte also drove in a run with an RBI single, but Midea made one of several great plays at shortstop to get the second out of the inning.With runners at the corners, Brosky induced a flyout to Damm in right field, keeping the Mustangs in front, 3-2.Orange had another opportunity in the bottom of the sixth, as Zach Stiteler started the inning with a leadoff single, but Brosky struck out the next two and induced a groundout to get out of the jam.Another leadoff single to start the top of the seventh gave Orange a chance to do damage, but Shannon made the big throw to first.Brosky then found himself in another tight situation after issuing his third walk of the day.Rather than go to Midea as the closer, Cicerchi kept Brosky in the game, and as fate would have it, the junior induced a hard groundball to Trevor Denning, who made a quick throw to second, and the shortstop fired a bullet to first to catch the speedy Schutte by a fraction of a second.Midea also serves as one of the team’s best pitchers and was maybe a play or two away from being moved from shortstop to the mound.“There was a thought to bring Midea in (to pitch) from the fifth inning on. There were about three or four times in the sixth and seventh inning we almost went to him. If we don’t get an out there, (Brosky) was probably coming out there, but he gets the double play to win it,” Cicerchi said.“I know Trevor doesn’t necessarily look like the prototypical second baseman, but he makes the routine play. That’s all he did on both double plays. He made the routine play and got the first out first and then let Mitch do the rest using his athleticism and then turn the double play.”Brosky, the junior starter spent much of the last three innings under duress, but credited his teammates, especially the senior leaders for helping him remain poised.“A lot’s going through your head,” he said.“You’re thinking too much, but I think that’s what Parker does. He just slows my brain down and has me throw strikes and worry about the next pitch.  As a new kid this year, I transferred and I knew a lot of them before I came in, but these guys taught me how to be a part of a team.”Strongsville (25-8) advances to face Massillon Jackson (29-2) in a battle of two Northeast Ohio schools for the State Championship.First pitch is 7 pm Saturday at Huntington Park in Columbus.last_img read more